A mess worth making

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We’ll be sticking to our kitchen floor for weeks, I’m sure. How is it that sticky-sweet spills absolutely refuse soap-and-water and scrubbing?

I was simply trying to save a few bucks and make my own homemade iced mocha before heading back out into the sweltering heat. (It hit 115 two days ago.) In went the soymilk, the cinnamon, the chocolate. “On” went the blender, and just as I was about to add my oh-so-strong, French-pressed coffee, the little plastic cap on the blender dropped in—and the ingredients rocketed out. In one second flat, my kitchen was painted in chocolate-cinnamon soymilk. And so was I. My freshly ironed white tank became a tasty leopard print; chocolate dripped from my eyelashes, my hair, the ceiling, the just-washed dishes drying on the counter, the refrigerator, the floor, the rug, the cupboards, the pictures... you get the idea. Plastered.

I laughed out loud as I tackled the dripping disaster (before it could dry and cause more damage), but it was a mess I could have done without.

There is, however, a mess worth making…




When I was in my early twenties, I thought that relationships pleasing to God would be peaceful, low maintenance, and even somewhat (I hate to admit this) easy.

I have to laugh at myself for being so idealistic. I’m too strong a personality, too passionate, too full of sin to find anything “easy.” I learn slowly; I learn the hard way. I fight long and hard to get to a place of faith and understanding and acceptance and peace.

But fighting for right relationships is so worth it. It’s messy for sure, but it’s what Christ has called us to (read John 17 again!). He knows we naturally stink at relationships—be they friend, family, romantic, marriage, roommates, work, church—and He’s not surprised by our struggle. In fact, He knew from the beginning that we would make a mess of things, and He already had a beautiful clean-up plan in place.

It’s fascinating how we each react to the “cap dropping into the blender” and the consequent mess. Some of us walk away from it, leaving the chocolate to harden and creating an even bigger mess in the long run. Others may clean up the mess, but begrudgingly, resolving to never attempt an iced mocha again. Regardless of how we may react, one thing’s for sure: we all need a lot of help in this relationship area.

The past three years have felt like an intensive relationship boot camp for me. I love what I’ve been (slowly) learning. Aside from God’s Word, one of the greatest helps has been a little book called “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande. In it, Sande shares a wonderful checklist to “get the log out of your eye before taking the speck out of your brother’s.” Here’s a portion of it:

- What am I preoccupied with? (What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and/or the last thing at night?)
- How would I fill in this blank? “If only ______, then I would be happy, fulfilled and secure.”
- What do I want to preserve or avoid at any cost?
- Where do I put my trust?
- What do I fear?
- When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?
- Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?
- Am I guilty of reckless words, falsehood, gossip, slander, or any other worthless talk?
- Have I tried to control others?
- Have I kept my word and fulfilled all of my responsibilities?
- Have I abused my authority?
- Have I respected those in authority over me?
- Have I treated others as I would want to be treated?
- Am I being motivated by lusts of the flesh, pride, love of money, fear of others, or wanting good things too much?

I’m convicted all over again. Lol. I’m so thankful, so very thankful, that God lavishes His grace on sinners like me (Ephesians 1:7-8)—and patiently teaches us what is best for us (Isaiah 48:17).

Today is another opportunity to die to ourselves so we can live Christ’s abundant life—another chance to exchange our “filthy rags” for God’s perfect clean-up solution.

And I may just attempt another iced mocha later today.

2 bananas and 1 ruby red grapefruit...

...blended with ice and soymilk is like summer in a cup! =)

And for summer soul refreshment, I'm reading Thomas a Kempis' "The Imitation of Christ." If you want some hearty conviction and a shove in the right direction, this is the book to read. But just a little at a time!

Excerpts from this morning's read:

"He is vain that putteth his trust in man, or creatures.

"Trust not in thine own knowledge, nor in the subtilty of any living creature; but rather in the grace of God, who helpeth the humble, and humbleth those that are proud.

"If there be any good in thee, believe that there is much more in others, that so thou mayest preserve humility within thee.

"It is not harmful unto thee to debase thyself under all men; but it is very injurious to thee to prefer thyself before any one man.

"The humble enjoy continual peace, but in the heart of the proud is envy, and frequent indignation.

"Whensoever a man desire anything inordinately, he becomes restless in himself."


Much easier to down the grapefruit smoothie. But so much better to chew on a Kempis. ;-)

Planet Colleen (and gaining perspective)

I briefly considered writing a witty and colorful account of my past vacation week--spent at graduations, grad parties, and a baby shower; wining and dining in L.A.; going to Disneyland and Medieval Times; hosting a big brunch, dinner-and-a-movie, etc.

But today I returned home to news from my dear friends Brooks and Nina that my little "nephew" Beau (see pics below and on May 29 and April 6) is dangerously sick. This--after they just finished sharing their translation of the Scriptures with the Yembi-Yembis, a Papua New Guinea tribe they've lived with and served for five years now.



Then I just scrolled through my best friend's blog, looking at recent pictures from their home in East Asia, and I was refreshed (as always) by their passion for the lost and love for serving God and His people--no matter what the cost to them personally.






Then I read Philip Ewert's blog, with a poem dedicated to his wife Tera who died two years ago, as well as a gripping plea for people to pray for Africa, where he is now serving. (Did you know that close to 4 million people are starving there?)





And I guess I'm just heartsick over how little I care about what's going on in the world... and how quickly I get wrapped up in Planet Colleen.

We are just passing through, and these days aren't slowing down for our trivial pursuits and selfish worries. Perhaps the cure for today's selfishness and sin is tonight's prayers for another part of the world--that God's good news will reach people we've never met... and that those dear servants faithfully sharing this good news will be refreshed, protected, and blessed beyond their wildest dreams.

And then, Lord, give us the opportunity to boldly and lovingly share this good news with someone in our own little world.

Forgiven

(Written on January 25, 2007, after a season of sin that God mercifully redeemed me from!)

I have to believe You are sovereign over sin,
Lord of all of me: not just my strengths
But also my inherent weaknesses within.

For if what I’ve done and the woman I’ve lately become
Is beyond Your will, Your control—
I am lost, ruined, completely undone.

But if You’ve ordained every one of my days
And known my beginning to my end,
If you’ve planned a way for my escape…

Then I am loved past all comprehending,
Known only by knowing You, my Lord,
My Savior full of grace, grace unending!

Grace unheard of, love unmatched, mercy unrestrained:
Who am I? Unworthy, senseless beast
To look Love in the face and turn away!

Oh, what a God You are, to pull me from the pit
With a strong arm; wash me clean, clothe me,
And not just forgive my sin, but forget!

A bike and a bowl of cherries

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Last night was our annual finale banquet for faculty and staff at ACA, so today felt like the official start of summer (although I'll happily be teaching summer school and freelance editing to fill my time). My roommates and I drove to Cherry Valley where a beautiful pool, cherry trees (I ate far too many cherries), and lounge chairs were the perfect prescription for tired teachers.

And if that didn't signal the beginning of summer break, my Target purchase certainly did. I've been on a bike hunt for awhile now (in an attempt to save on gas!), and I landed a gorgeous little red cruiser on sale. However, Belle didn't fit in my car--not even close, and I'm sure I entertained more than one person in the parking lot as I shoved and pushed and pulled that bike to no avail--so I left behind Ellie (the car) and biked all the way home.

I discovered new muscles in my legs. Or at least I don't think they were there before today...

So now I'm off to meet an old student at Starbucks. A tummy full of cherries, a sun-kissed face, and a smart little bike to boot. Ahhh... God gives days of refreshing.

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Remember?

"But the LORD said to me, 'Do not fear him, for I have given him and all his people and his land into your hand. And you shall do to him as you did to Sihon the king of the Amorites, who lived at Heshbon.'" Deuteronomy 3:2

I love how God points us to previous victories to help us in our present battles. "Remember, child?" He seems to whisper to our hearts. "Remember how you did it before? Remember how faithful I was to do what I promised?"

And then He calls us to move forward by faith. "Do not fear," He says over and over again. And why not? Because He is there, and just as He has been faithful in the past, He will be faithful in the present and the future.

Deuteronomy 3:22 continues, "You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you."

Perhaps today's fear is a small one. Or maybe your challenge is close to terrifying. Whatever the battle that creates an anxious heart in us, God is strong and faithful to fight for us. He has been for us all along; why would today be any different? Remember, dear friends, how He helped you win yesterday's battle... and then trust Him for victory in today's!

Adams, Woodruff, Willard, and Anonymous

“Great necessities call out great virtues.” –Abigail Adams

“Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.” –Anonymous

“Out of the strain of Doing,
Into the peace of the Done.” –Julie Louise Woodruff

“The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum.” –Frances Willard

Prayer is irksome.

If this isn't kindling for a long and loaded conversation, I don't know what is. My (wonderful!) small group has been reading and talking through C.S. Lewis' Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on prayer for the past few months, and it has been more than enlightening: it has been appropriately disturbing.



Here are a few excerpts from this week's reading...

"Well, let's now at any rate come clean. Prayer is irksome. An excuse to omit it is never unwelcome. When it is over, this casts a feeling of relief and holiday over the rest of the day. We are reluctant to begin. We are delighted to finish. While we are at prayer, but not while we are reading a novel or solving a crossword puzzle, any trifle is enough to distract us.

"Now the disquieting thing is not simply that we skimp and begrudge the duty of prayer. The really disquieting thing is it should have to be numbered among duties at all. For we believe that we were created 'to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' And if the few, the very few, minutes we now spend on intercourse with God are a burden to us rather than a delight, what then? What can be done for--or what should be done with--a rose tree that dislikes producing roses? Surely it ought to want to?"

Wow.

My thoughts later... (Not that we are in need of my puny little thoughts after Lewis' profoundity, but it has been so stimulating to discuss these things as a small group that I thought it'd be neat to pass along a bit of what I've been processing. I wish I could hear your thoughts and insights and responses as well.)

Thoughtful and tasty procrastination

C.S. Lewis
"God is the only comfort, he is also the supreme terror: the thing we most need and the thing we most want to hide from...Some people talk as if meeting the gaze of absolute goodness would be fun. They need to think again. They are still only playing with religion."

Jonathan Edwards
"O sinner, can you give any reason why, since you have risen from your bed this morning, God has not stricken you dead?"

Sinclair Ferguson
"The holiness of God teaches us that there is only one way to deal with sin--radically, seriously, painfully, constantly. If you do not so live, you do not live in the presence of the Holy One of Israel."

~*~*~*~*~*~*

I should be grading a pile of finals (it's our last week of school), so I'm gonna share a couple of my new favorite healthy recipes instead.


Amazing Sugarless Cookies
(I can't rememember where I found this one... but I love it! And it makes for a great breakfast food!)

1/4 cup oil
1/4 cup honey
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup applesauce
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup oats
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp cloves
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup nuts

Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes. (And by the way, these are amazing with iced coffee!)


Carob Treats
(compliments of my friend Dustin Ceithamer)

Heat a couple of tablespoons of olive oil in a saucepan on the stovetop.
Add carob chips; stir until melted.
Add nuts and raisins to taste. (I personally love golden raisins, pecans, and sunflower seeds. And I add a lot of 'em, so my treats are chunky!)
Spoon onto a cookie sheet and top with drizzled honey.
Stick in freezer until set.

I make a batch of these weekly, keep 'em in the freezer, and eat one almost every day. =)


Chunky Slaw
(This salad and dressing were borne out of one of my playtimes in the kitchen. I love experimenting!)

Chop up and mix together:
apples
red pear
celery
carrots
broccoli
pecans
bean sprouts
raisins (or craisins)

Toss with dressing:
olive oil
apple cider vinegar
honey
lemon juice
liquid amino acids
freshly ground pepper
dash of salt
(Add ingredients to taste; my portions are always a little different every time I make this, but the combination has always been yummy! Just make sure you shake it up well before pouring.)

Photos of the Week

My nephew Beau...



My new creative outlet... (Don't laugh. I'm making this up as I go; if any of you have experience in watercolor-on-canvas, I'd love to learn from you! Here's my first baby. I call her "Trying." But look! You can tell those are clouds and mountains, can't you?!)

Ridding myself of the "with" gods

I am loving my (albeit, very slow) trek through the Old Testament. This morning's "stop-and-meditate" verse was Exodus 20:23.

"You shall not make gods of silver to be with Me."

I've always known, "You shall not have any other god before Me" and "You shall not worship any other god besides Me," but here He says: "You shall not make gods to be WITH Me." The NIV reads, "alongside Me."

On a good day, I may not worship something or someone else more than God, but I'm sorely tempted (on a regular basis) to worship a few other things and people right alongside of Him. To make them equal with Him, as if He could ever have an equal.

In Psalm 50:21 God says, "You thought that I was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you."

Lord, You have no equal. Make my thoughts of you BIG today. Enlarge my heart to have HUGE emotions for You. Far outweigh my other loves, commitments, desires, and thoughts. Only then will other gods lose their power.

Photo of the Week

Monday we melted down in a pre-summer heat wave (101 degrees). Thursday afternoon it snowed. In Redlands, California. In the middle of May. I was wearing a knee-length skirt, short sleeves, and flip-flop heels. Have you ever crunched through the snow in flip-flop heels?

Here are a few camera-phone pictures from my drive home and my walk up to my condo.

Beautiful

Her face was weathered,
Wrinkled, altogether
older now.
Facials and lotions,
Expensive beauty potions—
She had turned them in,
For in the end
When life was done,
She wanted her heart
To be the most beautiful part
Of her.
Sure, she missed that second glance—
That look of romance
from the men—
As in her younger days,
When beauty’s ways
Were upon her.
But now people stared long and hard…
At her heart,
Radiant on her face.
Plastic beauties who saw her walk by,
Envied her, the life in her eyes,
Which sparkled, undaunted by aging and time;
And almost mesmerized,
They asked her
The reason for her smile.
And she would—smile,
And then tell them…
(Oh, she told them) of the One
Who made her beautiful.

"Always be prepared to give an answer for the hope that lies within you..." (But are we giving them a reason to ask??)

Gnats

I’m convinced that God has a sense of humor—where else would ours have come from?—and because He is God, it is an infinitely perfect sense of humor. If you’re ever in doubt, start looking for the comedic elements throughout Scripture. They will, at times, have you laughing out loud.

Take, for example, the poor Egyptian magicians who tried to compete with God in the Plague Showdown of 1446 B.C. I crack up every time I think of them trying to outdo Moses, and in the process, making their own water bloodier and land froggier. I mean, turning their staffs into snakes must have impressed the people (even if they were swallowed up by Moses’ serpent in the end). But were the Egyptians really applauding as they watched more of their drinking water bleed and picked twice the frogs off their bodies? Thanks a lot, guys.

However, when it came to gnats, these chumps were out of their league. Snakes, blood, and frogs were kid stuff. Gnats were obviously for the pros. Or should I say, the Pro.

Exodus 8:18 says that “the magicians tried by their secret arts to produce gnats, but they could not.” I wrote a note in the margin of that verse that reads, “Why did You decide to stop the magicians at gnats?” It’s hilarious!

But it’s also such an evidence of God’s amazing sovereignty and control. He determines the exact boundaries of His enemies’ power. They have no more influence than He allows them to have. Whether it be gnats in Moses’ case or life-and-death in Job’s case, God says, “This is where you stop,” and his enemies stop.

I love the story of Abraham and Sarah. Love it! But I’d never noticed the humor of Genesis 18:13-15 until Beth Moore pointed it out in one of her Bible studies. Sarah not only lies to God but also argues with Him. Listen in…

“The Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh and say, “Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?” Is anything too hard for the Lord?’ But Sarah denied it, saying, ‘I did not laugh,’ for she was afraid. He said, ‘No, but you did laugh.’”

Again, hilarious! Can you imagine? (Oh, wait. I can because I’ve done it myself. Sounded just like that, too…)

“I did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not…”

God has determined certain events, He has promised certain things, and there’s no way He is going to be frustrated by us humans—and our hilarious ridiculousness. Sarah’s faithless laughing wasn’t going to stop Him. Moses’ enemies weren’t going to show Him up. And He is not wringing His hands over the messy details of our lives today. “He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live” (Acts 17:26).

I don’t know about you, but this quiets my heart and helps me enjoy the adventure the Lord has planned for me!

“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” Psalm 16:5-6

To the anonymous giver of $500...

Thank you with all my heart. What an unbelievably generous, beautiful, and timely gift!

Were you aware of my need? I assume so... but whatever your motivation, you will never understand how tangibly the Lord cared for me through you. It's a gift I will never forget.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Your Maker is your husband." Isaiah 54:5

My heart is bubbling over tonight. No. Not bubbling over. Full? Overflowing? I guess what I'm feeling is described in the words of Isaiah 60:

"Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy..."

As John Piper says, joy isn't complete until it is expressed. But then, it's so hard to put into words my happiness in my Heavenly Bridegroom; I wish I could adequately boast in the One who has loved me perfectly and completely, provided for all of my needs, filled my heart with His joy, planned out my days in His loving sovereignty, and graciously allowed small sufferings along the way to woo me to Him (to make sure I don't settle for lesser loves).

How I love Him.

And to the anonymous giver of $500: Thank you for letting Christ love me through you.